Discovering Us 2: Redemption

VIOLET

“How are you, Violet?” Dr. Carmen asks me in the same monotone that she normally does.

How have I been? Everything goes well as long as Zach’s here.

“Fine,” I answer her.

“I’d like to talk about your baby today.”

I look up to her briefly. Matthew is not something I want to talk about. I haven’t even tried to process the loss of him.

“No thank you.”

“Why not?”

“I’m still very angry.” And hurt. Sad. Crushed. I haven’t thought about him in a few days, because whenever I do, my chest caves in on itself painfully.

I can’t help the tears that prick at my eyes. The hopelessness that consumes me. I could just lay here and cry until my body becomes dehydrated.

“That’s understandable. But it will be good to talk about those feelings,” she encourages me.

I look over at her scornfully. Why? What type of enjoyment does she get out of making me feel this way?

“What about him would you like to know?” I ask her quietly.

“Tell me about his name.”

Matthew. My granddad’s name. Meaning a gift from God.

I don’t remember a whole lot about my granddad, but I do remember being super absorbed anytime he told me what someone’s name meant.

“It was my granddad’s,” I say.

Just the thought of my granddad brings back simpler times. Times before Henry. Before my rough introduction to sex and the weird ways people get off.

“Were you close?”

I shake my head.

“No, we only saw him every month or so. But I remember the times we did see each other.” The breakfasts mainly. We would never eat out other than when we saw my grandparents.

It was their treat for my mother and me.

“He must have left a big impression, for you to want to call your little boy Matthew.”

I smile weakly.

“He was a kind and generous man.”

My grandfather offered to help my mom out, but she was too proud to take his money. For years we argued, because I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t take advantage of a better life.

But ultimately I saw how strained their relationship would have been if money were involved.

“How do you feel about the loss of Matthew?”

I frown. “It hurts. He was something I never thought I wanted. But I was naïve, I guess, because I did want him.”

“How so?”

“I promised myself I would never have children.” Ever.

“Was there a specific reason why?”

I nod. “I never wanted to leave them motherless.”

And never wanted them to have to fend for themselves when people like Henry could just snatch them away from their home and keep them locked up in another country while abusing them.

She nods, writing down what I’ve said, I suppose. I’ve long since stopped trying to figure out what she writes about me in that damn book of hers.

“Did you feel this way because your mother left you?”

I nod, picking at a thread on my hospital gown. She didn’t leave me by choice, but she left me nevertheless. If she were still here, my life wouldn’t have been so shitty.

But then, if she hadn’t died, I would never have met Zach and Tyler. For the first time in a long while, I think I’m finally okay with accepting my mom isn’t here.

“What are you thinking about?”

I smile at Carmen. “That if not for my mom dying I would never have had the opportunity to meet Zach and Tyler. I think I’m okay with her not being here after all these years.”

She smiles, nodding as she looks down again.

“Life sometimes has its own plans for us.”

“I think you’re right,” I tell her. We sit in silence for a few moments. I won’t mention any more about Matthew.

“Is there anything else you would like to speak about?”

I watch her look up at the clock on the wall by the door. We still have fifteen minutes left. She always asks the same question at this specific time in our hour session.

I take a moment to think about her question. There is one thing I need help with, but I’m afraid to ask.

I don’t know what to do about Callum’s feelings.

I’ve tried not to act weird around him, but it’s hard knowing he feels as if he’s falling in love with me, because it makes me nervous. It makes me nervous, as I’ve been dreaming about him.

“There is one thing.” I look up to see Dr. Carmen smiling. I’ve not freely asked for help before.

“Of course. What is it?”

“When I was unconscious, I heard a lot of the things that were said around me. One in particular came as a shock.”

She nods at me, writing it down in her journal. “Carry on.”

I nod, chewing my cheek. “Callum told me he was falling in love with me,” I whisper.

She looks up at me silently. A confused look briefly enters her eyes, but she blinks it away, leaving her professional gaze in its wake. So she does feel things, then.

“Your security guard?”

I nod at her nervously.

“And how does that make you feel?”

I purse my lips. At first it made me panic, but now I wonder if I have feelings for him in return. And if I do, I don’t want to waste time exploring them.

After all, Henry could get bail anytime soon and come back to finish me off.

“I didn’t like hearing it at first. I told him that I wanted him to be my friend before all this happened. But I think I may have feelings for him too. It scares me.”

“How so?”

“I already love Zach and Tyler. They are used to being with more than one person, but Callum isn’t. He doesn’t agree with our choice of relationship.”

“How would you like me to help you with this problem?”

“Do I tell him I like him too?”

“Do you?”

I smile down at my hands. “I guess a little.”

She doesn’t look at me in disgust. That’s why I like her. She doesn’t think less of me for being in a relationship with more than one person.

“So what’s keeping you from telling him?”

“I don’t want to hurt him. Because when it comes to it, I won’t leave Zach and Tyler if he were to ask. And I think that’s what he would want. For it just to be him and I.”

“Then you should make that clear. But it is always good to be up front and honest with people.”

I nod to her. I guess it is. After all, you don’t know how much time you have in this world.

“I think I’ll wait until I know for definite if I like him.”

She nods at me, writing in her journal again.

“I would like to set up an outpatient program for you, Violet. Weekly sessions with myself.”

“Okay. Does that mean I can go home?” I ask hopefully.

“As long as you come to your weekly sessions, I will be happy to discharge you.” She nods at me.

I smile triumphantly. I’ve been wanting to go home for days.

Home.

***

ZACH

Callum and I are enjoying a nasty breakfast from the hospital cafeteria in the private waiting room. Dr. Carmen decided that me sitting in on one of her sessions was enough.

She slapped my damn leg this morning, waking me up from a damn good dream. Now she’s got me all grumpy, as I was just getting to fucking Violet, albeit in my damn dreams.

“What’s up with you?” Callum questions with that evil smirk on his face.

I’m pretty sure he full well knows what’s up with me. After all, his balls must be so blue from all the weeks he’s been craving fucking her. For me it’s been a little over a week now.

Yeah, I could go home and demand that Tyler let me use his damn body, but I’m still pretending to be pissed with him.

Although the pretending starts to become real the longer we stay apart.

Just how could he, with her of all people?

For fuck’s sake, this is why I fuck every day. I can’t think straight when my balls are blue.

If only Callum would give me any hint he might be into it, maybe I could try with him.

He raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. The sadistic bastard in me wants to fucking jump him, but the rational part doesn’t want to scare him away before she decides she wants him.

And I know she wants him.

She definitely heard what he said to her, and I know that by the way she’s been acting around him.

The way her eyes devour him in those tight fucking T-shirts he wears. Fuck, it’s almost enough to make me wonder what’s underneath those pants.

I watch the pulse in her neck speed up as she looks him over. It’s like she’s mentally undressing him.

He’s still smirking at me, even with all my silence.

“I was thinking about how we’re gonna fuck Violet one day,” I tell him in a gravelly tone.

His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, and I swear I see the lust in them. But then those damn shutters come rolling down, fast.

He’s got himself so well trained. It would be a pleasure trying to break him in the playroom.

If only he would allow those feelings to manifest, instead of cutting them down like a weed.

“I told you, Zach. I don’t share.”

“You will. You will for her, Callum.”

“You’re wrong,” he tells me definitely, so I laugh at him menacingly.

“If she asks you to, you will. You won’t hurt her,” I warn him as the door opens. He swallows at my tone.

I turn to look at who’s entering. It will only be Dante or Tyler. But fuck me, Tyler walks in closely, followed by my mom and the fucker that calls himself Dad.

I shoot him the angriest look I can.

Who the fuck does he think he is, coming to where I live? We had an agreement, the fucker.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I almost growl at him.

He doesn’t flinch as my mother does. He’s used to this side of me.

“Your mom wanted to see you,” is all he says to me, dismissively sitting in one of the chairs. He lays his damn bag on his lap and pulls out his laptop.

So he’s not here for pleasure. He must have work to do here.

“Don’t be so mean to your father, Zachary Lucas Henderson.” My mom walks over and pulls my face into a big, fat kiss.

I let her smooch all over my face, knowing just how hard a slap I’ll get if I pull away.

When she’s finished, I pull her into me, cuddling her around her much slimmer waist from my seated position. I look her over. She looks good. Slimmer, but well.

“I missed you, baby boy.” She takes my face in her hands, squeezing my fucking cheeks. Callum almost snorts at how she’s manhandling me.

“Fuck off, Callum.” I kick him under the table. He holds up his hands, showing me he’ll shut up.

“How are you doing, baby?” Mom brings my face to look at hers. So she knows. Of course she does.

My mother is nothing but ruthless. She’s exactly where I learned how to be the way I am.

“Could be better.”

I try not to give much away. My father’s interest is not in whatever work he has on his laptop.

It’s one thing being vulnerable in front of my mother, but I won’t ever allow my father to see that side of me again.

“Don’t put an act on in front of me. I’m your mother, and I won’t take your bullshit.”

Callum smiles at my mother with a look of admiration. Yes, she’s a hard fucking bitch. She wouldn’t think twice before tanning his ass if he hurt me.

What the hell?

“Fine, I’m hurt. Nothing time won’t make easier,” I lie. Time definitely will not make it easier to swallow what he did to her.

“Don’t lie to me. Where is the lovely girl, anyway? Your mom and dad want to meet her.”

I try not to growl at her, but I’m unsuccessful and get a slap for it.

Callum all but giggles like a fucking girl.

“Oh, how rude of you, darling. Who is this?”

I look between Callum and my mom, then over to Tyler. Back to Callum. Fuck, I have to take this opportunity to piss both of them off. Showtime, Zach!

“This is Callum. He’s”—I look over at him, smirking like a cat—“our boyfriend.”

I raise my eyebrows when his face pales. Oh yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. That look right there. Oh, the fire in his eyes.

He definitely wants to try a relationship. He’s just not man enough to admit it yet.

My mother smiles acceptingly at him, just like I knew she would.

I chance a look over at Tyler standing with my father. The both of them are stock-still. Tyler’s face is hurt that I would introduce Callum as such, I think.

My father just looks damn angry, and he doesn’t hide it. His fists are clenched.

For a moment, I remember how I felt all those years ago when he found out Tyler was my boyfriend, the beatings I got every night I came home from his house. A lesson for being gay, apparently.

Oh yes, this is exactly what I wanted. The sadistic bastard inside me likes the atmosphere I just put into the air.

I’m in control here, and that is the most favorable position to be in.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Callum. Call me Mom.” My mother reaches around the table and takes his face the same way she did mine, kissing him like he’s a two-year-old.

I watch in amusement as he grudgingly allows her to greet him.

“Oh, you’re a handsome boy.” She squeezes his arms.

Yes, he is good-looking, in a rugged kind of way, Mom.

“Erm, thanks,” Callum whispers to her anxiously.

The fact that he hasn’t corrected my introduction of him blooms something that shouldn’t be in my chest.

I squash it down, but I know it’s there. He better be worth the fucking chase.