We had all four slices of pie ready to go and Phoenix was about to pour the milk when Connor and Sean sprinted through the kitchen towards the basement stairs.
"Change of plans," said Sean. "Connor's going to help me with the basement. Just ordered us some cheesesteaks. Have fun shopping!"
Before Phoenix could respond, the boys had disappeared into the basement.
"Good thing I didn't pour the milk yet," said Phoenix.
"What are they doing in the basement?" I asked.
"Sean has some sort of man cave planned. I told him he could do whatever he wanted down there as long as I got to decorate the rest of the house."
"Well you've done a beautiful job decorating. Are you an interior decorator or something?" Or are you just a trophy wife?
"No, no. I do like decorating, but my real passion is fashion. I actually have a fashion blog. It's fun, but really it's just a great excuse to buy whatever clothes and makeup I want without Sean getting upset. Although he's still not thrilled that we have an entire room dedicated to my shoes."
"Geez, maybe I should take up fashion blogging too."
"Speaking of buying clothes and makeup for my blog, did you want to come shopping with me tonight? I had been waiting to buy stuff so that we wouldn't have to move it, but now that we've moved, I can go wild."
"I don't know..."
"Oh come on, our husbands won't even know we're gone. They're going to be building stuff and eating junk food all night. Why can't we treat ourselves to a little shopping?"
"Okay, let's do it." I couldn't believe I was going to go shopping with this bimbo that my husband clearly thought was sexy, but maybe it wouldn't be the worst night of my life. And anyway, it had been months since I went shopping with my friends.
I thought we were going to the mall 10 minutes away, but instead Phoenix took me to some boutique in the city.
"What is this place?" I asked as we got out of Phoenix's BMW.
"This, Rosie, is the best bikini store in the world. I've never come here and left empty handed, and I don't expect that streak to end tonight."
When I saw the selection, I understood why she never left empty handed. The walls were covered in mannequins showing off all sorts of bikinis and some one-pieces that somehow looked sexy. Some of the suits had so many straps that I was certain I would accidently strangle myself and end up in the hospital if I tried to put them on by myself.
"Since it's your first time here, let's start by finding one for you. Do you want a bikini or monokini?"
"Are monokinis the sexy one-pieces?"
Phoenix laughed. "Yes."
"Since when did those become sexy?"
"I don't know, a few years ago maybe."
"Let's go with a bikini," I said. "The monokinis are weird."
"Okay, what kind of bottom? Thong..."
"Are you trying to get me thrown out of our pool?! I can't wear a thong there."
"You can always wear one at our pool. You're welcome to use it any time you want. But I guess that means you don't want a thong?"
"No! Thongs are underwear, not swimsuits."
Phoenix laughed again. She seemed to take great pleasure in my lack of swimsuit fashion knowledge. "How about I just pick one out for you?"
"Okay, come with me. I have the perfect suit in mind. I hope they still have it." Phoenix grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the back of the store. Eventually we stopped in front of a mannequin wearing a snakeskin bikini. The top had extra straps that went in the mannequin's cleavage and made its boobs look bigger. The bottom was super cool with three straps on each side instead of just being a normal bikini bottom. "How's this?"
"It's pretty cool..."
"Great! Try it on." She grabbed one off the rack, handed it to me, and dragged me over to the dressing room.
I closed the door, pulled my clothes off, and started to undo my shoes.
"Don't bother taking your shoes off," said Phoenix from outside the dressing room.
Is she watching me under the door? "But heels and a bikini is going to look ridiculous."
"It's not ridiculous if you want your butt to look amazing."
Fine. I put the bikini on and looked in the mirror. Phoenix was right about my ass looking amazing, but the cut of the bottom revealed way too much of it. It was one step away from being a thong.
I opened the door to let Phoenix see.
"Spin around," she said.
"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with mooning you."
"You won't be mooning me. That's one of the more conservative bikinis here."
I reluctantly spun around.
"Wow, you have to buy that."
"How much is it?" I looked for a price tag but couldn't contort my body enough to find it.
"Yeah. I always get a buy five get one free here deal. So that'll be my one free."
"No way," I said. "If you're getting five bikinis, the least I can do is pay for mine so that you get one free." I can't let this bimbo buy my friendship.
"Connor won't mind if you spend $130 on a bikini?"
I laughed. "For a second it sounded like you said $130. What's it really? $30?"
Phoenix pointed to the price tag on the bikini on the mannequin. It really was $130.
"I can't let you get me a $130 bikini. But I'll be happy to help you look for some."
"Oh come on, would it make you feel better if I let you model it on my YouTube channel? That way it won't feel like a gift."
"No! I feel uncomfortable enough even trying it on, I couldn't even imagine letting you film me in it."
"But you look amazing in it. It's like that bikini was made specifically for your body."
The conversation was starting to get awkward so I shut the door to the changing room and got back into my normal clothes. Phoenix was looking at a few bikinis nearby when I emerged.
"Alright," she said. "Let's find me some bikinis and then we can get some dinner. I'm starving."