So It Goes

ANNA

I’m walking hand in hand along the lakeside with my boyfriend. He’s the one who I imagine spending the rest of my life with. I know how corny that sounds but it’s the truth.

He makes me feel important. He tells me who I am is who I need to be and that’s perfect.

Isn’t that how someone you love should make you feel?

I’ve never been happier than at this moment.

Just us.

I don’t need anything else.

As we continue our walk I see a young family enjoying the soft summer day. A mom with a newborn baby in her hands, with half a tent behind her for some shelter, while her other two children are playing in the lake with the father. Their laughter brings a smile to my face.

A perfect day. Love and family.

“That will be us someday.” He says with the biggest smile on his face.

How did he know what I was thinking about?

Could that really be our future?

I turn towards him and see those beautiful forest green eyes sparkle back at me.

Everytime I see those eyes, I get lost. It’s like I’m wandering through the woods, and in a way it calms me down like they always have.

They always make me feel like I’m home.

“Aren’t we a bit too young for that?”

“I’m not saying tomorrow or any time soon, I’m just saying A… I’m never letting you go.”

***

“Anna Johnson?” The professor asks through the room making sure all the students are present.

I snap my head up from my notebook, waking up from my dream and looking him in the eye.

Shit….

I fell asleep. How real that dream had been.

If only.

“Present.” I say while lifting my hand up.

He writes it down, making sure that he doesn't miss anyone.

The class is somewhat boring, Economics, considering I’m 21 and only in my second year of college.

Everybody seems to have an opinion of me.

Stupid, weirdo or just that there is something wrong with me.

Which there isn’t.

Every student here is 18, 19 or 20 at most, but I didn't have the privilege to go to college right out of highschool.

In contrast to a lot of students here, I had to work to get where I am. To be able to afford college. I worked double shifts at the little bakery down the road every day for 2 years, so I could be living kind of comfortably.

If it wasn't for the two jobs and extra shifts I wouldn't be here, in this simple local college. It isn’t Stanford like I hoped I’d go, but I will get the degree I need.

That’s the goal. But the five-AM wake-ups and midnight bedtimes are starting to catch up with me.

I really need to get some sleep.

I think about my beautiful bed in my lovely little home, and it brings a smile to my face. I’m proud of what I made of it, with nothing but my two hands.

I bought the house for almost nothing and with some cheap materials and money, I made it my little home. Believe me, it isn't much and with the help of the bakery I can pay it off.

It’s my boss’ house, but they moved into the apartment above the bakery to be closer and since their kids are all grown up they didn't need that much room anymore.

“Class dismissed.” Professor Stanford says.

“Anna Johnson, stay behind please.” The ‘oohs’ fill the room, but I know why he's asking me to stay.

Let them think I'm in trouble, it will fill their minds with all the gossip they want since none of them actually know me and they love to spread rumors, as if they do know me. Those rumors spread like wildfire.

If they need the gossip to stay away from me, I’ll gladly give it to them.

I'm just a normal girl, with light brown hair with brown eyes. I do have curves, but it's not like I'm fat. My eyes are what I find most attractive, the color of them is something you could describe as the color of a deer. Light, light brown, almost amber.

In high school, I was a shy girl, having a hard time because people would tease me about my curves. I have thighs, and for some reason that’s a sin. I had to learn to love my body. But as a sixteen year old girl, it was hard and left me with no self-esteem.

They were so mean to me, I came home crying, it broke me and the fact that my parents were strictly religious, gave them more ammo to bully me. Not that my parents ever listened to me about being bullied, they ignored me.

Ignoring their daughter like she never existed, saving what was most important.

Their image.

I walk towards professor Stanford, he walks past me and closes the door.

“Anna, how are you?”

“I'm fine Jim.” I see the look on his face. It's telling me more than it should. Guilt. I roll my eyes at him, knowing where this is going.

“She's fine, Jim. Why don't you and auntie Liz, come over for dinner tonight? Then you can see for yourself.”

“It was quite the scare, Anna.” I sigh, it's true.

A couple of weeks ago my baby girl, Olivia, had to go to the hospital. She fell from the stairs and hit her head. She had to have a couple of stitches and right after she had pneumonia due to the cold weather, or so they say, she had to stay for 5 days.

Jim's wife, Elizabeth, was watching over her like she does almost every day, when she fell. Liz felt so bad, but it wasn't her fault.

I know most moms, definitely, young moms would have had a huge fit, but Olivia climbed over the safety fence and fell down.

I sigh a little bit, “Liz feels so bad.” Jim says.

“Olivia needs to find things out on her own, if that means falling down the stairs, then so be it. She's just like her father. It would've happened, either way. Only this time, Liz was there instead of me. The pneumonia was a big scare that's true, but the antibiotics have kicked in, she's on the road of recovery. ” He sighs in relief while raising his eyebrow up.

“Just like her father huh?” I clamp my hand over my mouth. I never talk about her father, I don't even think of him anymore, until I fall asleep at least. The dream this morning, it was more of a memory, a memory I’ve been trying to forget.

He doesn't deserve the honor to be remembered by me. Not when he left me forgotten.

“Shit.”

“Anna, no. I don't know who he is and to be honest when I find out he'll get what comes his way. And if karma doesn't do it, then uncle Jim will.” He says, pointing to himself. I shake my head.

“Uncle Jim, don't, please. It's not his fault, not really at least.” I sigh, a part of it is... my conscience tells me.

“I don't know much Anna but I do know you are raising your baby girl all alone. Nobody should do this on their own.”

I sigh deeply, “He doesn't know…” I mutter under my breath, staring at my feet.

“What do you mean he doesn't know?” I shake my head. He sounds so disappointed... I can't have him disappointed in me. He means too much to me and to Olivia.

“He doesn't know, he got the chance of a lifetime, his dream job and I told him to go chase his dreams like ‘the good girlfriend’ I was. Only to find out, a couple of weeks later, that I was pregnant.”

“Didn't you try to call him or something?” He asks, shocked I nod, of course I did.

“I tried to get in touch with him, but let's just say that he wasn't interested.” That’s what really hurts, it’s what keeps my hatred intact.

“How do you know?”

“What else could I think? He made a promise, but he didn’t keep it.”

He gestures for me to go on, turning his hand over to me.

“He promised to stay in touch when we broke up. If he wanted to stay in touch, why would he change his phone number?” Uncle Jim's face is turning red from anger.

“It's fine Jim. I'm fine. Olivia is fine. I don't need him and neither does she. I wasn't even surprised when I found out his number changed. It's something he would do, a new start not thinking about the consequences.”

“Go to your next class, but know Anna. You deserved so much better Anna.” He says with a smile as I make my way towards the door.

“I know, but I wouldn't want to change a thing. Tonight, 7 PM it's pasta night.” That makes his face light up.

“Count me in. I want to see my pumpkin, it has been awhile since I’ve last seen her.” I smile at him going out of the room.

I walk towards my next class, business 3.1. I know I'm late, but that doesn't matter as half of the students there know I had to stay behind. Plus, they will definitely tell the teacher about it since it's the latest gossip.

I rush over to the classroom, I knock on the door.

“Enter.” The dark masculine voice says.

Why does that voice sound so familiar?

It could be the fact that I had this teacher for the past 6 months.

Only this teacher is female.

I open the door and walk through without looking at the person in front of me.

I close the door behind me and turn around, and my stomach drops in a huge swooping motion.

I’m staring right into the eyes that have been haunting my dreams for the past year.

The eyes of my good-for-nothing ex-fiance.