You Taught Me to Fly

Minutes seemed to tick by at an agonizing slow pace Friday (when it’d finally arrived), and I tried everything I could think of to distract myself from what this afternoon might entail.

When lunch finally arrived, the day now half over, I expected (or rather hoped for) it to go faster.

That didn’t happen. Instead of counting the minutes to the end of last period, I began counting the minutes to when Elijah might show up.

It was the longest forty minutes of my life, but worth it when he walked in again fifteen minutes earlier than his usual (twenty minutes before the end of lunch), causing my heart to leap into my throat.

It didn’t help when his gaze slid my way for a split second, his lips twitched towards a smile before he was gone seconds later. The only downside was that his friends had immediately begun snickering.

I couldn’t breathe.

Did he really just send a smirk my way?

“Dude, did you SEE that?!” Autumn exclaimed. Slowly, I looked at her, and slowly my brain became painfully aware of the fact that that had really happened.

“Wait, you saw…”

“Elijah give you a grin as he passed, yes!” She was looking so excited.

“And I…”

“Stared right back.”

Fuck!

“So he saw…”

Her smile began to wane. “You’re looking panicked.”

She wasn’t wrong there, though “panicked” didn’t seem adequate enough somehow. No, this was far more intense. Was there a word for that??

Elijah wasn’t supposed to, like, see me staring at him.

His friends before this had no doubt whispered rumors of it, I’m sure he knew, but like…I don’t know...it was different when the subject of your crush actually fully sees you staring at them.

Oh god, what have I done?!

I felt a hand on my arm and jumped at the touch. It was just my sister; her hand stayed.

“Hey,” she said soothingly, “it’s okay, Luke. I’m sure he’s flattered.”

I shook my head. No, he would not be flattered. He’d be horrified. He was simply nice enough not to show it…around me. Hence why his friends had immediately started snickering.

I folded my arms on the table, letting out a groan as I rested my head against them. It was all over now.

When the time came for rehearsals, a time that had once been taking forever to get here had now gotten here way too fast, I stood paralyzed at the closed theater doors, all too painfully aware of what…or rather who…was on the other side.

My anxiety-riddled brain went through scenario after scenario of what could happen the minute I stepped through those doors, all of them unpleasant, all of them ending with everyone in the theater laughing and making fun of me.

Reality was that I walked in and...nothing happened. Nobody looked up, Elijah least of

all. He didn’t start in on how someone like me dared to crush on someone like him. Nobody pointed, nobody laughed.

The only significant thing that happened was the director expressing his relief that I was here.

I didn’t dare look at Elijah as I headed towards the back of the stage. At this rate, it was going to be a long afternoon.

Around five, the director called all of us, cast and crew near the stage, to “try something new” as he put it.

What it entailed, much to my horror, was the cast was to run lines with people they’d never run lines with before, which involved the crew.

He left us to pair off and everyone in the group found a partner, except Elijah…and me.

“Is there really nobody here who’s never run lines with Eli?” the director asked.

That’s when Elijah’s gaze fell on me.

That’s when my brain fully realized the truth.

I was the only one.

Apparently he’d already run lines with the crew outside of class, having taken initiative to challenge himself creatively (which only served to add to my attraction to him).

I stood absolutely frozen in fear.

The director noticed Elijah’s stare, and looked at me. He began to smile.

“Found him?” He asked, looking back to Elijah.

He nodded, his eyes seeming gentle, though his expression was serious.

Oh god, I chanted in my head, oh god, oh god, oh god…

“Alright, guys! Get to it!”

Cast and crew spread out through the theater; Elijah headed towards his bag on one of the center theater seats in the front row.

I remained, still frozen by the steps to the stage, knowing I should go down them and meet him halfway so he didn’t do all the work, but my body refused to do a thing.

He approached slowly, holding two scripts, looking like he felt as awkward about this as I did, but then, in a blink of an eye, he offered a smile and a script, and said:

“I don’t bite, you know.”

I forced a laugh that sounded too obviously forced, took the script, and said:

“I know. I’m just…not good at…uhm…”

His eyes grew softer still with a total non-judgmental understanding.

“All you gotta do is read the cues. I have them highlighted as such.”

I opened the script and saw what he meant.

I could do this.

…If I didn’t focus on the fact that I was standing two feet away from the one guy in the whole school that I had a massive crush on. Heh. I could totally do that…yeah.

“So, we’re going to, if you don’t mind, start with scene three. It’s the one I have the most trouble remembering.”

I nodded, found scene three, and saw I started first with a cue and so we began. My hands shook so badly and despite trying with everything I had to get them to stop, they did not.

By the time we got to the end of the script though, about forty minutes later, I had relaxed and realized I was even having a little bit of fun.

Oh, I had absolutely no career in acting, but I got to watch his expressions up close, which enabled me to marvel over how beautiful each and every one of them was.

I got to see what he looked like when he was concentrating. I even got to share some laughs with him when he got lost in the moment and over gestured or spoke too loudly and then become self-conscious about it.

His passion was limitless. His passion was marvelous. I was completely enthralled.

Just as we finished the script entirely, the director said it was time for the cast to come back together for more practice.

Truthfully? I was sad about this, knowing I was likely never going to get another chance like this again.

It was the perfect moment to say something, but I froze once again, said my goodbyes, and went back to work. It was hours before the director let us go.

When that came, a glance at my watch told me it was nearing nine in the evening. I mean, it was Friday, so that was okay homework-wise, but still, it always shocked me how late we went sometimes.

Just as I was about to leave the area where I'd stored my bag, a seat in the front row on the left side of the auditorium (when facing out from the stage), Elijah approached me, sending my heart massively aflutter.

“Hi,” I said quietly, unable to hold his gaze for long.

I’d noticed the warmth in his expression, though, the kindness shining within those beautiful blue eyes.

“Hey. So, I had a lot of fun running lines earlier.”

I looked at him, utterly shocked. He’d had fun? With me?? There was no way.

“How?” I blurted. Immediately I regretted it and didn’t know how to rectify it.

He laughed. “That right there is how. You’re not a snob. You don’t judge me for not knowing my lines already.

“And you don’t try to out-act me. Don’t get me wrong, I love this group, but a lot of them are insanely competitive.”

I’d noticed. This time I kept my silence, it was the most strategic choice. Who knew what other stupid thing I’d say?

“So, anyways, I wondered if you…maybe…wanted to go again tomorrow? Outside of school?”

My heart became far too loud; over it, I barely heard myself agreeing. Of course, my mind instantly began to panic over the prospect of being with him outside of school.

What would people think?? Still, I wanted to go.

“Yeah?” he looked…was that relief? “I mean, that’s great!”

I was so confused by how--I decided it was relief--relieved he had looked.

“Don’t most want to practice with you?”

He shrugged, his expression shutting down a bit.

“It’s Saturday, most want to be having fun on the weekends which really sucks because there’s a lot of lines to memorize and not a lot of time and I—”

“I’d be happy to help any way I can,” I interrupted, immediately berating myself for interrupting. “Sorry, that was rude.”

He smiled a little bit. “I appreciate it, though. I. Uhm. I guess we should exchange numbers?”

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, God.

You need to breathe; a voice in my head reminded me.

Easier said than done, I retorted.

With trembling hands that I hoped he didn’t notice, I offered him my phone so he could put in his number.

When he offered me his phone afterwards, I felt like I was going to pass out. It was a miracle I didn't drop it, in all honesty.

Was this really happening?? Or was I just daydreaming again?

With my number in his phone (which I had to triple check to make sure I’d put it in right, boy I was so nervous), I handed it back and pocketed my phone.

I completely blanked on what to say next.

“So, thanks for your help today.” God, his eyes were so blue up close. “I’ll text you later?”

“Are you going to the dance?” I asked in response instead of responding in a way a sane, normal person would respond.

I'd even had the correct words in my mind but somehow that got turned into a question about an event I used to not care about? My mind was...weird.

He blinked. “There’s a dance?”

At first I thought he was being serious and couldn’t understand how he’d missed all the posters, and I mean all the posters, plastered on every bulletin board and then some around the school.

Then he grinned, and I realized he was just yanking my chain. I really needed to get a grip.

…That sounded wrong.

Oh, crap, now all I could think about was—

Luke! I yelled at myself.

I forced a laugh; aloud to him I said: “You got me!”

He was smiling again and man, if that wasn't such a beautiful sight to see so up close.

“Seriously, though," he replied, "yeah, I was thinking of going even though I don’t have a date.”

I bit my tongue so hard on that one, refusing the desire to ask him myself. No way was that ever happening.

“You’re the most popular dude in the school. Everyone’s gonna be thrilled that you showed up. Plenty will dance with you.”

He nodded with a little shrug. “You’re not wrong there. Are you going?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” His look of surprise had me adding on: “Because I have social anxiety and…it’s just…”

Wait. Had I just admitted...out loud...that I was mentally incompetent in any way? Why had I done that?! Something about him was melting my defenses. ...I kind of liked it.

“Oh, I understand. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you at any of the dances.”

I nodded at him. “Social anxiety.”

He smiled yet again, his eyes were so kind, and his lips looked so soft. I bet he was a good kisser.

Ooh, to kiss him...to just...lean in, and feel those lips on mine while his arms pulled me in closer...

Luke…stop it.

“You helped me today," Elijah was saying, "so I wanna help you. Will you grant me one dance tonight?”

And there went my breathing again.

“Y…you want to…dance…”

He nodded. “It’s a lot of fun, I promise.”

“But…yer friends…”

“Yes, they will give me shit, but it’s my life, and you should experience at least one high school dance.”

Oh god. Oh god.

Oh. My. God.

Now I had to be hallucinating.

Then he touched my arm, sending me further into my frenzy. “Please, Lucas?”

Ohhh, to hear him say my name. This was officially too much.

I heard myself saying “Yes, of course, sounds like fun,” before I could think up an excuse as to why I couldn’t.

Elijah beamed, looking so adorably thrilled. What is air??

“Okay. I need to go home to change but I hope to see you soon.”

I just nodded and then he was walking away.

As soon as he was gone from the auditorium, strength left my legs and I collapsed into one of the nearby seats, breath heaving out of me.

My hands were shaking so badly. My whole body was, actually, and there was only one person in the whole world that I could talk to about any of this: Autumn.

It…just...took me several minutes before I got my fingers to work to text her to pick me up.