Illicit Cravings

REID

A new month, a new man to lust.

After what happened to Clive, I didn’t bother with dating. I didn’t want to stay long enough with a guy to worry that my dad would hurt him.

I’d go to my favorite dating app and swipe left and right until I found a guy that was to my taste and went for a quick hookup.

But tonight, I felt like dancing. I was feeling invisible.

Dad was filming abroad, and I felt like a kid set free in a candy store. I had no visible wounds, and I had no intention of bringing anyone home.

Bathroom blow jobs or hand jobs with deep kisses in the back of a car had been my go-to for the past few months, and I was okay with that.

I didn’t need another Clive. I still remembered the look on his face and the pity goodbye blow job he had given me.

I didn’t drink, not after Landon’s death, and I didn’t drive under the influence. Hell, I rarely drove. I mostly walked, considering my apartment was within walking distance of campus.

But you could call me Alice ’cause I liked taking pills without knowing for sure what they’d do to my state of mind.

The gay bar was my Wonderland, my rabbit hole, and tonight I just needed my very own Mad Hatter to keep me entertained for a couple of hours until I woke up to my reality.

The bouncer knew me; he was the Cheshire cat, giving me the path to my nightly adventure.

College is about making friends; sadly, that’s the department I was lacking.

I didn’t let people in. The closest friend I had was my driver, Miller. He knew everything about me and took care of me with no questions asked.

“Hey, you’re Reid, right?”

I smiled, taking the fancy overpriced bottled water that they sold here at the club.

“Yes.” I raised my brow to the muscled wall of the sexy man at my front. I didn’t even dare to attempt flushing his name from my brain.

“It’s me, Kayne, from the football team. We go to the same campus. Jeez, it’s been like…probably a year. How are you?”

Still suicidal, but, meh…enough about me.

“I’m…still in school.” I offered him my best reply since I don’t do chitchat.

I’m Alice, I go where I’m told, and I take pills with blind faith.

The hot footballer laughed and took a sip of his light beer.

Mhm…my very own Mad Hatter, no one laughs at my response.

I didn’t joke. I didn’t socialize. I was just living. Miller made sure of that.

Kayne ushered me to the dance floor, and suddenly I remembered him, the back-seat blow job before my first suicide attempt.

We were kissing in no time. This time he pulled me into the dingy back alley. There was a thrill about doing it in the open, and after the pink pills, I was high as a motherfucking kite.

“You’re so adorably cute. I could ravish you all night. Come back to my place?” Kayne asked, and I shook my head, telling him I wanted it now.

The man let out a sexy growl when he slipped his hand under my shirt, and his cold hand traced behind my back, traveling under my briefs after managing to unbutton my pants.

His kisses were deeper, and my dick was grinding against his erection. I moaned louder when he squeezed my ass and pulled me closer, and our bodies gyrated shamelessly.

We ended up going to his car, and he was on top of me in seconds. The kiss was hot as hell, and I got to see his naked chest this time when his shirt restricted him from moving freely between my legs.

He had given me the same enthusiasm as our last hookup, and I was on cloud nine the second he took all of my load.

I was tasting myself in his mouth when he reached up and fucked my mouth with his. The groans were feral enough that I reciprocated his kiss and let him jerk off on my thigh.

I liked touching the guy, feeling his weight on my body, and finally, the footballer marked me with his cum.

His body engulfed me for a couple of seconds before he apologized, took a handful of tissues, and cleaned his mess from my inner thigh.

“That was so hot.” He rested back in the back seat after pulling up his boxers and jeans in one swift tug.

It took longer for me to sit up and pull up my briefs and pants.

“Give me your phone. We should do this again.”

“Kayne, I don’t do seconds, I don’t date…”

“Oh.” The man looked disappointed, and it was too precious, so I reached out and took his phone to type in my number.

“We can still be friends,” I said to my very own confused Mad Hatter.

“Oh.”

“I should go. I’ll see you around campus.” With my last words, I got out of his car and walked back to mine.

Miller was sitting quietly behind the wheel and nodded when I told him to take me back to my apartment.

“Miller?” I asked when he took the wrong turn.

“Your father is back in town. He asked for your attendance.”

“Fuck, I didn’t even do anything in public. I was in a fucking gay bar minding my own business. Fuck, Miller…this is why you should just let me fucking die.

“Just make sure Benson is notified. I’ll probably need him before I go back to my place.”

My body visibly shuddered when Miller looked at me from the rearview mirror.

I knew the man had signed an NDA working for my dad, and he was bound to his job.

He was doing his best for me, and it would just be a couple more years before I could access my trust fund, then I’d be out of my father’s reach.

My granddad from my mother’s side had arranged it; the man despised my dad, but still, I lacked the courage to go to him about Dad’s abuse.

I didn’t want him to be upset with me, too, then decide to pull my trust fund.

I was so screwed.

I had no life skills, no degree. I couldn’t survive without my family’s money, and I couldn’t even end my life.

I was hoping that tonight Dad would lose it and beat me to death. I would succumb to my dad’s wrath.

***

I was disappointed when he instructed me to pull up my long sleeves and expose my forearms; he took a cane and started hitting me. It would hurt like hell, but it wouldn’t kill me.

Damn it!

“Yes, I’m back, and I don’t like knowing that you’re doing stuff in an alley.”

He hit me harder each time until I saw blood. I didn’t dare cry. My chest heaved from the pain.

My body almost gave up on me, but I managed to keep sitting upright and let him call me a sissy boy, telling me over and over again that Landon was the one who should’ve lived until I passed out from the pain.

***

Miller must’ve taken me back home.

When I woke up the next day, I cursed, knowing I was going to be late for my architectural history class.

I took a quick shower and wasted good time bandaging my forearms after failing to keep them from getting wet.

I put on a long-sleeved polo before I decided to wear a pullover instead. My body felt warm. I always had a bit of a fever after a good beating from Dad.

I couldn’t afford to miss more of Professor Palmer’s classes, not if I wanted to pass his mandatory class since my grades were not helping; history bored me to death.

Mhm…maybe his class will finally be the death of me.

With that thought in mind, I slipped into his class fifteen minutes before it ended.

“Mr. Ryker, nice of you to finally join us today. See me after class.”

The man was like my personal White Rabbit; he looked at his wristwatch when I entered his classroom.

I nodded and then followed him into his office when the class ended. I took my seat when he told me to.

My forearms throbbed. I hadn’t had my breakfast or my painkillers. I had been in a hurry to get to his class, and now I was here feeling the fever creeping in.

I just hoped he wouldn’t give me a long lecture so I could go to the cafeteria and eat before taking my pills.

“Are you even listening to me? Do you want to pass this class?”

The man was handsome; he was older, sexy as hell, but I didn’t even have the interest to follow through, not when almost every student in his class was salivating for his attention.

Maybe I was a whore, but I was not an attention whore. I tended to keep things to myself, knowing I had too much baggage to share with anyone.

“Yes, and I’m sorry, Professor Palmer. I will come to your next class on time, and I will take any extra assignments to pass your class.”

“You look pale. Are you all right?”

I tensed at his words; cold sweat was forming on my back. I could feel it trailing down my spine.

Cursing on the inside, I tried to keep my voice calm. “I-I’m fine. I skipped... breakfast, I woke up late.”

But it still came out in a stutter.

“Go sit on the sofa,” the man instructed, and I followed his command. He took out a protein bar and a can of soda from under his desk.

I blushed when my hand shook as I tried to open the wrapper.

“What are you on?” He looked at me suspiciously. My blush must’ve made him think I was on something, and that’s when he reached out to feel my pulse and found my sloppy bandage.

“What happened to you?”

I surprised myself when humiliation was the first thing that hit me.

No one knew about my injuries outside my little circle. I didn’t befriend anyone because of this.

I was secretly ashamed of myself.

“I’m okay. I-I shouldn’t waste any more of your time. I’ll talk to your TA…” I blurted out words in my panicked state.

I need to get out of his office.

“Stop this, Mr. Ryker. I want you to answer me. Who did this to you?”

My tears fell. I was becoming the sissy boy.

The humiliation was too much, and I didn’t resist when Professor Palmer rolled my sleeves.

His breath hitched when he peeked under the bandage and saw the mess my dad had made of my forearms.

“Mr. Ryker?” he asked again sternly.

“My dad.”

“Fuck…”

That was the first time I’d heard him curse.

My White Rabbit looked rattled just before darkness surrounded me, and it was my time to curse for fainting in his office.

Down... down... down... into the rabbit hole.