You Never Knew Me

LYRIC

I’ve made myself invisible. To avoid attention from boys, I dress in baggy clothes. I wear my long, almost white hair down in my face, and I slouch over so no one can see how tall I am. I blend into my surroundings and barely speak unless spoken to.

Pretending invisibility is easier than being present. It allows me to sit quietly somewhere and listen to what others are saying and planning. It keeps me one step ahead of the others in the pack.

I also pretend I don’t have one amazing wolf. Her name is Sadie, and she’s massive! It would be hard for anyone to miss her alpha presence. She’s also the purest white and silver I’ve ever seen. Vicious but shy, she takes no bullshit and gives no cares, but she refuses to shift in front of anyone. She even hides her scent.

In her opinion, it’s for my safety and benefit. It’s another type of invisibility. Sadie doesn’t feel the pack deserves her or me, and she says when the time is right, they’ll know.

So, in the meantime, I pretend I’m wolfless. And that’s what I allow the pack to believe. But Sadie enables me to have the extra hearing and speed necessary to move about without them even realizing I’m there.

It’s become my only source of fun in the last couple of years. I’m not allowed to train, even though I do so privately, and I’m not allowed to participate in pack functions like parties, balls, and get-togethers. Luna Diana won’t allow it. She doesn’t want to see me.

It’s funny. While everyone else seems not to realize I exist, Luna Diana appears to be the only one who knows I do. And she’s the one who wishes the most that I didn’t.

I don’t blame her. After all, I am the living embodiment of her husband’s infidelity, practically parading my illegitimate self in front of her courtesy of the alpha’s wishes.

But I’m not the one who slept with him, who continues to sleep with him. This betrayal has affected me just as much as it has her. Maybe even more so because no one has ever claimed me—not the pack and not my parents. Instead, I’m always just ~allowed~.

Per Luna’s orders, I’m allowed to live in a tiny room under the stairs near the kitchen, and I’m graciously provided with food and hand-me-down clothing to wear.

I’m allowed to serve the crowds and clean up the messes of the privileged in the pack. Heaven help them if they bend over and pick up after themselves! I’m ~allowed~ to work for my father occasionally and tutor his son, but I don’t get paid for any of these services.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I didn’t do what I’m allowed and instead did something for myself, something that I want. But it will all happen soon enough. I’m counting down the days.

And until then, I pretend…

I keep my head down, keep my voice down, and keep a small, insignificant smile on my face. I survive and do what I have to until I’m old enough to leave.

In fact, an IT college in New York has already offered me a full-ride scholarship. Only one teacher knows—Mr. Marshall. He’s my technology teacher, the one who discovered my love for all things computer. He’s also the only one who encourages me.

Although he’s a wolf, he doesn’t belong to my father’s pack. He’s from another allied pack nearby.

He advised me to apply to the tech colleges and some of the more elite universities, assuring me that with my grades and my drive, I’d get accepted into a human college with no problem.

When I told him the alpha wouldn’t pay and might not let me go, Mr. Marshall was the one who reminded me I was not a member of the alpha’s pack. “Neither is your mother. Technically, you are a member of the Silver Crest Pack,” he said.

So, I applied. Mr. Marshall let me use his address, and the acceptance letters poured in. But the one from New York was the one that offered everything—tuition, room and board, books. My education paid for. I jumped at the opportunity and immediately sent in the paperwork.

It’ll get me far away from here, miles away from this pack and my father.

Graduation and turning eighteen are a week away, and I’m gifting myself with a big, fat goodbye—to all of it!

I practice my valedictorian speech in my head as I move through the streets, watching and listening, my cloak of invisibility firmly in place, judging from the blank stares of those I encounter.

It’s going to be the speech to end all speeches, calling out the almighty alpha on his cheating behavior. And If it throws my mother under the bus, so be it.

I smile to myself and hear Sadie’s huff of agreement.

The week can’t go by fast enough.