The Secrets of Sin

Mari

I want to get far away from Mr. Keats and what I just did. I don’t even think about the bus stop or what time it is. I just run.

I don’t look back to check if he’s chasing me. I can feel him. His disgusting gaze trails after me.

I run through crowds, from one block to another, and across intersections; the buildings and people I pass mean nothing to me.

My hair flows behind me, my bag hits the bottom of my shoulders with every step, and I keep my arms over my chest, so no one knows I’m braless.

When I finally stop, my knees buckle under me and I hit the hard, unforgiving blacktop.

I don’t know where I am, but I think I must have run into the bad part of town.

“Hey, honey, you okay?” A Fran Drescher kinda voice has me lifting my head to see a blood-red wig on top of a full face of clear makeup and a fur coat over a tiny frame.

I scramble away from the woman and trip again.

“Oh, honey, let me help you.” Her small hands grab me by the waist and pull me to my feet. Her hazel eyes roam my face, looking at me for any sign of injury.

“Hi, there. Are you on anything?” She pops her bubble gum out and flips it back in.

“N-no, ma’am, I was just running. I’m okay. Thank you.” I take a step back from her and her heavy cherry blossom perfume.

“Honey, no one runs like that for no reason,” she says.

Just then, Mr. Keats runs around the corner. He’s out of breath and looks furious. I scramble away, hiding behind the woman.

She takes one look at me and Mr. Keats and immediately knows what’s going on. She turns to face him.

I’m terrified for her. She’s not that much bigger than me, and she’s wearing such revealing clothing. She’s going to feel so vulnerable under his gross gaze.

Mr. Keats will just make her move aside, and then he’ll take me back to his house, and…

But what happens next makes my jaw drop.

The woman stomps up to Mr. Keats, fearless. She screams in his face and demands he leaves me alone. She shoves his chest, standing tall and strong like a superhero.

And impossibly, Mr. Keats listens! He looks like he’s in shock. No, he looks like he’s scared. He turns around and leaves, and I let out a sob of relief.

I feel gentle hands around me.

“Let’s get you inside, honey.”

I let myself be led inside the nearby building. I don’t even know what’s happening until I’m sitting on a chair with a cup of water in my hands. They’re shaking and some of the water spills.

The woman sits beside me, comforting me. “He’s gone now, sweety. It’s okay now.”

But I shake my head. “No, I was supposed to do whatever he said.

“Now he’s going to fail me, and I won’t be able to go to college, and I’m going to let my brother down. He’s working so hard for me and all I had to do was focus on studying, but I screwed it all up!”

I feel warmth over my shoulders as she wraps her arm around me.

“Don’t worry about that weirdo, doll. If he does anything else, I’ll see his ass goes to prison. I’m a witness. The police will believe us.”

Her words calm me down, and I take a deep breath to steady myself. I look up at the woman who saved me with a grateful smile on my lips as I thank her a thousand times.

She shakes her head. “You don’t owe me anything. We girls gotta stick together. Girl power and all that shit. My name’s Brittany Hicks.”

“I’m Mari,” I say. “Thank you.” I feel the suffocating weight of what I’ve done. This guilt feels like a chain around my neck and I don’t know how to get it off.

“Will you tell me what happened, honey?” she asks, softly.

I don’t know if it is because I feel like Brittany is genuinely trying to help or maybe I’m just naive and gullible, but I tell her everything.

I tell her about Mom dying and Erik taking care of me. I tell her how much he works and how I can’t fail high school.

How much work I put into my academics and how Mr. Keats is the worst. Every detail about what had happened and how I had to get a passing grade and how guilty I feel.

Brittany told the truth when she said she would listen because she does. After I am done, she gives me a hug. She even pats my back, like a mom would a daughter, and gives me a reassuring smile.

“Okay, so first, this wasn’t your fault. You’re an innocent young woman and he is a grown man who took advantage of you. This is on him, not you.

“You are so strong for carrying all this with you every day.” She gives me space to breathe.

“How did you stand up to him?” I ask in wonder. “I could barely breathe when he looked at me like that. When he was telling me to…” I stop, trying to hold back tears again.

“Please, we deal with weirdos like him all the time. Don’t take any of that crap. He’s a weak, small man, and if you stand up to people like them, they’ll shrink away.”

“We?” I ask. I look around, realizing where I am for the first time. I see the stages, the neon lights, the long, metal poles.

Oh my god, I’m in a strip club.

“Welcome to The Silky Bunny,” Brittany smiles.

I blink, surprised and flustered. I feel my face heat up.

“I wish I could be as brave as you,” I say. “You looked like a superhero when you stood up to Mr. Keats.”

Brittany laughs. “I’m no superhero, honey. Just a stripper. A real good one.” She winks and I blush.

She looks me over, but I don’t feel disgusted like I did when Mr. Keats stared at me. I can see that Brittany cares about me, even though we’ve just met.

“And you can be as brave as me,” she says.

My heart skips a beat. I couldn’t even imagine myself being as confident as she is. Is it even possible?

“How?” I ask with hope in my heart.

“I know this is gonna sound crazy but when something like this happened to me, I craved control. I did that by owning my body.

“It’s a little out there and maybe it’s not for you, but I gained my control, raised my self-esteem, and made crazy money as a stripper at The Bunny.”

“M-me? A stripper?” My face goes as red as a tomato.

She smiles gently.

“Think about it. I could teach you how to work the pole and some dance moves. I think you’ll like it. Especially after making some good money. You’ll be able to help your brother out a lot.”

She seems so sure, so positive. I don’t want to tell her that there is no way I could do that. I can’t have a normal job, let alone one as a stripper. My brother would kill me.

I thank her and tell her I will think about it. She even gives me a ride home, and I thank her ten more times.

It’s already gotten so late, and I only realize how exhausted I am after I step inside.

Erik isn’t home yet. He’s probably still working. I leave a note for him to tell him I love him and I missed him today. I thank him for working so hard and tell him how proud I am.

When I fall into bed, I laugh, thinking about what kind of stripper I’d make. I’m more than thankful to fall asleep.

***

I wake up when something breaks, doors slam, and I can hear at least two different voices yelling and cursing. I know one is Erik’s.

Flying out of bed and grabbing the baseball bat from behind my door, I run down the hall to come to his aid.

I catch a reflection in the window of a bloody lip. Erik’s hand is covering his nose and I see red.

Erik’s back is turned away from me, a man in black who doesn’t even register as anything but an intruder that’s after my brother comes into focus.

I pull my Louisville slugger and send it flying at the man’s torso. When the bat swishes in the air, the man starts to turn, which makes my hit land perfectly against his rib cage.

The man catches it in his hand and glares at me while Erik starts laughing. Ben hunches over, holding his side, and lets out a string of curse words from his dirty mouth.

I freeze, letting go of the handle and staring at Ben like the weak prey I am in front of this grizzly bear of a man. Erik laughs so hard, he shoots blood from his nose and starts to cough.

Ben and I break eye contact to look at Erik.

I’m in front of him, holding his head still as Ben flips the lid on the first aid kit. He works so fast it is hard to tell what he is doing.

“Why are you bleeding?” The concern is evident in my voice, like a frightened child.

“I’m fine Mari, it’s just a bloody nose. They happen sometimes.”

With that, Ben holds a hand to each side of Erik’s nose, and a loud pop echoes in the room.

Erik screams out and then starts going “Ow! Ow! Ow!” over and over.

“You have a broken nose, not just a bloody one. What happened?” I hold the sanitized gauze while Ben tapes it and gives him a once-over.

“It isn’t anything to worry about. You have school in the morning and you need to go back to bed.” He tries to wave me off, but I don’t go. My brother has a broken nose. I’m not going to let that go.

“Erik, was it Scotty again?” My heart hammers in my chest. Mom’s boyfriend wasted no time chasing us for this debt Mom supposedly owed him.

At first, we thought he would go away after Mom died, but when he showed up at my school and withdrew me from class, we figured he was serious.

Scotty drove me to a gym that was based in what looked like an abandoned building and kept me locked in this broom closet for hours until Erik and Ross came to get me.

I had never been so scared in my life. I ran into Erik’s arms and didn’t let go until I fell asleep.

“No, I’m okay. Go back to bed. Ben, will you walk her to her room while I lock up?” Erik and I both look at Ben who nods and walks to the kitchen doorway.

“I love you, goodnight.” I wave bye to Erik and walk to Ben’s side.

When we get out of the kitchen, I remember I need to apologize for whacking him with the bat. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry. I forgot I hit you. I am so sorry. Are you okay?”

I stop at my door before I push it open.

Ben’s lopsided grin is something to behold. He is a beast, but when he smiles, it’s like he is the warmest person in the world; like a sweet little puppy or something.

“My little kitten is turning into a jungle cat. You did good, but if there was ever really a break-in, never go after them. Get out of the house,” he says while leaning against the wall.

His body and muscles have gotten bigger. It’s like he has tree branches for arms.

“Okay, are you sure you’re fine? I’m really sorry. If I’d known it was you, I definitely wouldn’t have hit you. I promise.” I take a step inside my room and start to twist the sleeves of my shirt.

“Mari, it’s okay. I know you wouldn’t. I’m fine. We’re fine. I still love my little kitten.”

He smiles again, making me blush as I roll my eyes.

He has always called me that. I remember when it started. I was maybe six and Erik had ditched me to go play with Ross.

Since they were four years older, I was “too much of a little kid to play with big boys,” so to get back at them, I “ran away” from home.

In actuality, I just climbed a tree down the street from our house. But once I got so far up, I became very afraid of the height and started crying.

A little boy with a head full of brown curls and sky-blue eyes came by. I called out to him for help. I explained I’d climbed the tree when I wasn’t scared but, now, I was, so he helped me.

Since I was literally rescued from a tree, the nickname “kitten” stuck. Ben walked me home, where my mom was punishing Erik for losing sight of me, and they have been friends ever since.

Ross hasn’t always been friends with me, but Ben has.

Not that Ross is bad or anything. It’s just clear that he is friends with Erik over me, while Ben was my friend first, so Erik has to share.

“Benny, good night. I’m still sorry.” I smile and shut my door, plopping down in bed. I fall asleep almost immediately.

***

The chaos of the night hits my mute button and morning comes all too soon. I know Erik is asleep and won’t be getting up for three hours, so I prepare his breakfast and head to school.

When I open the front door, I stop dead in my tracks. Erik’s car has red paint all over it. Something has been drawn on the windshield, but I can’t tell what it is from the porch.

Walking closer, I gasp when I realize what it says.

“Time is running out.” Alongside the words are three stick figures and an X crossing out one.

This is a message from Scotty. I knew it last night when I saw the broken nose. I knew it and Erik lied right to my face.

Knowing I have to get to school, I run back inside and go to Erik’s room. I bend down at his bed and give him a shake to wake him up.

“Erik, Erik, Erik, wake up.”

He groans a closed-mouth yell before he finally says, “What?” in a half-dead-to-the-world voice.

“Bubba, your car is messed up.” I hate telling him, adding another problem to his never-ending list.

His head lifts from the pillow and his eyes crack open. “What’s wrong with it?” The sleepy grogginess is fading fast.

“Well, there’s paint on it and a message about Mom.”

Erik jumps out of bed; his feet hardly touch the floor before he’s outside.

“Go to school. I’ll handle this. It’s okay. Don’t be late.” His sleepy state has disappeared.

“Erik, if you need me to clean it, I can go in later. You need to sleep,” I say, knowing he won’t accept my offer.

He tells me to go and that he’ll handle it. I tell him bye and head to school.

***

I attend my classes, and surprisingly, Mr. Keats spares me.

It is hard being around him, but when the class is over, he asks me to stay. Regrettably, I do, but Mr. Keats says he’ll pass me if I don’t tell anyone what happened.

I agree quickly. Whatever Brittany said to him must have affected him.

When I get home, I see Erik has left me a note saying he will be home late and the car is at the station’s garage, so if they call, I need to answer.

I feel so trapped.

I feel like I am just a burden on Erik. He works so hard to put barely any food on the table, and now he has to deal with car repairs.

We don’t have enough money. I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I have to help.

I hear a knock at the door. Peeking through the gap, I am stunned to see it is Brittany Hicks.

“Hey, honey, I just wanted to check on you. Since yesterday was so shitty. Are you okay?” Her red hair shines in the sunlight and blows in the breeze.

I step outside and take a breath. Could I actually be a stripper?

“Could you really teach me how to be a stripper?” I say.

Her smile stretches from ear to ear as she nods eagerly.

“And it’s safe? Would I get hurt? Could I earn a lot of money?”

Brittany lays a hand on my shoulder and answers every question I have.

She tells me about how all the girls at The Silky Bunny have stage names and characters they play; that a lot of the girls wear masks or wigs to hide their identities.

She tells me the owner is a nice lady who takes the girls’ safety and security seriously and makes sure all the rules are followed.

That no one is allowed to touch the dancers and she makes, in a good week, close to three grand.

My eyes pretty much bulge out of their sockets.

Three grand! That would help so much. Erik could get some rest. He wouldn’t have to work two jobs and he’d get his life back. I won’t be a burden anymore.

I take a deep breath.

“I’d like to accept your offer, but my brother can’t ever know.”